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9 Things Guys Would Never Do If Women Didn’t Exist

(Guyism.com)

 

9 Purchase/Own a Rug

No guy ever looks at the coffee table in his living room and thinks how much more beautiful the room will look if there was a rug underneath it. Rugs are almost as sure a sign of a female inhabitant as the pink fluffy toilet seat cover and scented candles in the bathroom. In fact, the only guy that ever actually found a use for a rug was Aladdin. And even so…he just ended up using the thing to impress a chick.

 

8 Own A Coton de Tulear

Guys don’t want to have to go out of their way to learn how to pronounce the breed of their dog. That’s why we prefer Bulldogs, Pitbulls, Pugs, and Mutts. It’s why we’ve shortened Labrador to just “Lab”. There’s no way to pronounce “Coton de Tulear” without growing boobs in the process. Go ahead. I dare you to try it. If you happen to own a dog that is small, white, fluffy, and wearing a pink or blue bow, and there wasn’t a woman involved, you’d better double check to make sure the Vet didn’t accidentally neuter you the last time you brought the dog in.

 

7 See Any Movie That Stars Hugh Grant

Guys don’t like Hugh Grant. We don’t find him or his British babbling charming or humorous. In fact, the only time we’ve ever actually found him funny was when he got arrested for engaging in “lewd conduct” with that unattractive prostitute. If women didn’t exist, Hugh Grant wouldn’t have a career. Neither would Julia Roberts, Nicholas Sparks, or anyone working at Bravo.

 

 

6 Apologize

Guys don’t need to hear “I’m sorry”. We could get into a bloody fist-fight with a friend one night, but the next day we’ll be right back to hanging out again without so much as a word. It’s one of the beautiful things about guy code. There doesn’t have to be a long, drawn out verbal proclamation. A simple handshake and perhaps a pat on the shoulder or the back does the trick. What happened is in the past. No harm, no foul. And the best part is…we won’t use the previous fight as ammo if there happens to be another fight in the future.

 

5 Talk on the Phone

Just like we don’t need to hear “I’m sorry”, we also don’t need to hear a bunch of babble about how someone else’s day went, what happened, and how they’re feeling about it. Text messaging has been the best thing to ever happen to us. We can say what we need to say in as few words as possible without any phony candy-coated BS. And if a few words won’t do the trick, well, that’s why we have email on our phones as well.

 

4 Go to brunch…on a Sunday…during Football season

We wait all week for Sunday to roll around. If it were up to us, we wouldn’t even put our pants on on Sundays. So, the only way a guy is going to go “out to brunch” on a Sunday is if he’s dating a woman who happens to be the one wearing those pants.

 

3 Go to Brunch. Period.

There’s breakfast. And there’s lunch. Men don’t do brunch. When was the last time you’ve heard a group of guys squeal in excitement over midday mimosas and some enticing gossip? If women didn’t exist, neither would the word “brunch”. Also, mimosas would consist of beer, orange juice, and protein powder and be renamed “Hasselhoffs” in honor of his favorite daily breakfast beverage.

 

 

 

 

2 Watch an Episode of How I Met Your Mother

No guy willingly stumbles upon a CBS sitcom. Either the remote’s batteries go dead right after a game or somehow the remote has ended up in his girl’s hands. These are two actions that CBS pretty much relies on. We’re all for Jason Segel’s antics on the big screen and we love it every time Neil Patrick Harris pops up in a Harold & Kumar movie, but cramming them into a 30 minute sitcom with the annoying chick from American Pie is just not our cup of tea. Also, the term “cup of tea” wouldn’t exist. We don’t even like tea.

 

1 Leave A Bar Before 12am

Nothing good happens at a bar before 12am. Everyone knows that. So, if a guy is leaving a bar at 11:35, he’s either being dragged out by his girlfriend to watch the past week’s episode of The Bachelor on Tivo before a serious cuddle session OR he managed to get lucky and is leaving early with a girl he just met. Without women, we’d stay at a bar until we puked or they kicked us out. Or until they kicked us out for puking. True, women are one of the reasons we go to bars, but after a few drinks and a couple rounds of arcade basketball and foosball, we tend to forget you’re even there anyway.

 

 

 

10 Offerings of Advice
for Parents, Family and Friends
of First Time College  and University Students

1. Never leave your wallet or purse unattended on weekends.

 

2. Never lend money to a student if you expect to get it back.

 

3. Always make sure that your refrigerator and chest freezer are locked at all times. The same applies to liquor cabinets and beer fridges if you have them.

 

4. If you don’t wish to use locks, make sure that you purchase at least two of everything the student likes.

 

5. Mark all canned goods in your kitchen cupboards and do frequent and timely inventories of the same.

 

6. Place your laptop computer, cellphone, favourite pens and calculators in a safety deposit box at the bank.

 

7. Always make sure that your car registers empty on Friday evenings before they come home.

 

8. Don’t fill up with gas until early Monday morning after they return to school.

 

9. During Spring break, don’t accept any collect calls from further south than Detroit, Michigan.

 

10. If I call your home, as their teacher and coordinator, and they hang up quickly . . . Don’t believe them if they say .

. . “it was only a fast-talking telemarketer from The Columbia House CD and Cassette Tape Club.”

 

I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

 

World, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress.. with two blue eyes...and a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I Trust You'll Treat Her Well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day at school.

And never again will she be completely mine...

Prim and proud, she'll wave a young and independent hand this morning, and say goodbye and walk with little-lady steps to the nearby schoolhouse...

Gone will be the chattering little high-spirited girl who lived only for play, and gone will be the delightful little waif who roamed the yard like a proud princess with nary a care in her little world.

Now, she will learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called...

She will learn to tune her little-girl ears for the sound of school bells, and for deadlines...

She will learn to giggle and gossip... and to look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy across the aisle sticks out his tongue.

Now she will learn to be jealous...and now she will learn how it is to feel hurt inside...and now she will learn how not to cry.  No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch while an ant scurries across a crack in the sidewalk...

Or will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn to kiss lilac blossoms in the morning dew.  Now she will worry about important things...like grades...and what dresses to wear...and whose best friend is whose. Now she will worry about the little boy who pulls her hair at recess time... and staying after school...and which little girls like which little boys...And the magic of books and knowledge will soon take the place of the magic of her blocks and dolls.

And she'll find her new heroes.  For five full years I've been her sage and Santa Claus...her pal and playmate...her parent and friend.  Now, alas, she'll learn to share her worship and adoration with her teachers (which is only right).

No longer will her parents be the smartest, and greatest in the world. Today, when the first school bell rings, she'll learn how it is to be a member of the group...with all its privileges, and, of course, its disadvantages, too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies don't laugh out loud...or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms...or watch ants scurry across the cracks in a summer sidewalk...

Today, she'll begin to learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. That "the group" can be a demanding mistress... and I'll stand on the porch and watch her start out on the long, long journey to becoming a woman.

So WORLD, I BEQUEATH TO YOU TODAY ONE LITTLE GIRL in a crispy dress, with two blue eyes, a happy laugh that ripples all day long, and a batch of light blonde hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs.

I TRUST YOU'LL TREAT HER WELL.

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

 

THE TRUTH ABOUT 12 HEALTH MYTHS

RealSimple.com has revealed the truth about 12 health myths.
 
You Shouldn't Cut Off the Bread's Crust. It's Full of Vitamins.
The truth is: In a 2002 German study, researchers found that the baking process produces a novel type of cancer-fighting antioxidant in bread that is eight times more abundant in the crust than in the crumb.  That said, it's more important to serve whole-wheat bread, with or without the crust, because it's all around higher in nutrients, such as fiber, says New York City nutritionist Keri Glassman, author of The O2 Diet ($25, amazon.com).  Make sure the ingredients list "100% whole-wheat flour." Breads simply labeled "wheat" are usually made with a mixture of enriched white flour and whole-wheat flour and have less fiber.
 
If You Go Out With Wet Hair, You'll Catch a Cold.
The truth is: You will feel cold but will be just fine health wise, says Jim Sears, a board-certified pediatrician in San Clemente, California, and a cohost of the daytime-TV show “The Doctors.”  He cites a study done at the Common Cold Research Unit, in Salisbury, England, in which a group of volunteers was inoculated with a cold virus up their noses.  Half the group stayed in a warm room while the rest took a bath and stood dripping wet in a hallway for half an hour, then got dressed but wore wet socks for a few more hours.  The wet group didn't catch any more colds than the dry.  Sears' conclusion: "Feeling cold doesn't affect your immune system."
 
If You Cross Your Eyes, They'll Stay That Way.
The truth is: "There's no harm in voluntary eye crossing," says W. Walker Motley, an assistant professor of ophthalmology at the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine.  But if you notice your child doing this a lot, he might have other vision problems.
 
You Should Feed a Cold and Starve a Fever.
The truth is: In both cases, eat and drink, then drink some more.  "Staying hydrated is the most important thing to do, because you lose a lot of fluids when you're ill," says Sears, who adds that there's no need for special beverages containing electrolytes (like Gatorade) unless you're severely dehydrated from vomiting or diarrhea.
 
Chewing Gum Stays in Your Stomach for Seven Years.
The truth is: Your Little Leaguer's wad of Big League Chew won't (literally) stick around until high school graduation.  "As with most nonfood objects that kids swallow, fluids carry gum through the intestinal tract, and within days it passes," says David Pollack, a senior physician in the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia Care Network.  And even though gum isn't easily broken down in the digestive system, it probably won't cause a stomachache, either.
 
An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away.
The truth is: A handful of blueberries a day will keep the doctor away more effectively.  Blueberries are a nutritional jackpot, rich in antioxidants and fiber, and they're also easy to toss into cereal and yogurt.  That said, eating a variety of fruits and vegetables is important to prevent many chronic illnesses, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes, down the road.
 
You Lose 75 Percent of Your Body Heat Through Your Head.
The truth is: "This adage was probably based on an infant's head size, which is a much greater percentage of the total body than an adult head," says Pollack.  That's why it's important to make sure an infant's head remains covered in cold weather.  (This also explains those ubiquitous newborn caps at the hospital.) But for an adult, the figure is more like 10 percent.  And keep in mind that heat escapes from any exposed area (feet, arms, hands), so putting on a hat is no more important than slipping on gloves.
 
To Get Rid of Hiccups, Have Someone Startle You.
The truth is: Most home remedies, like holding your breath or drinking from a glass of water backward, haven't been medically proven to be effective, says Pollack.  However, you can try this trick dating back to 1971, when it was published in The New England Journal of Medicine: Swallow one teaspoon of white granulated sugar.  According to the study, this tactic resulted in the cessation of hiccups in 19 out of 20 afflicted patients.
 
Eating Fish Makes You Smart.
The truth is: For kids up to age three or four, this is indeed the case.  Fish, especially oily ones, such as salmon, are packed with omega-3 fatty acids, including DHA (docosahexaenoic acid).  "DHA is particularly beneficial in the first two years of life for brain development, cognition, and visual acuity," says Beverly Hills pediatrician Scott W. Cohen, the author of “Eat, Sleep, Poop: A Common Sense Guide to Your Baby's First Year.”  And a 2008 study in Clinical Pediatrics showed an increase in vocabulary and comprehension for four-year-olds who were given daily DHA supplements.  Omega-3 options for the fish-phobic?  Try avocados, walnuts, and canola oil.
 
You Shouldn't Swim for an Hour After Eating.
The truth is: Splash away. "After you eat, more blood flows to the digestive system and away from the muscles," says Cohen.  "The thinking was that if you exercised strenuously right after eating, that lack of blood would cause you to cramp up and drown."  But that won't happen.  Sears concurs: "You might have less energy to swim vigorously, but it shouldn't inhibit your ability to tread water or play."
 
Every Child Needs a Daily Multivitamin.
The truth is: Children who are solely breast-fed during their first year should be given a vitamin D supplement.  After that, a multivitamin won't hurt anyone, but many experts say that even if your child is in a picky phase, there's no need to sneak Fred, Wilma, and company into his applesauce.  "Even extremely fussy eaters grow normally," Cohen says.  "Your kids will eventually get what they need, even if it seems as if they're subsisting on air and sunlight."
 
Warm Milk Will Help You Fall Asleep.
The truth is: Milk contains small amounts of tryptophan (the same amino acid in turkey), "but you would have to drink gallons to get any soporific effect," says Michael Breus, a clinical psychologist in Scottsdale, Arizona, who specializes in sleep disorders.  "What is effective is a routine to help kids wind down," he says.  And if a glass of warm milk is part of the process, it can have a placebo effect, regardless of science.

 

*September 1st/10*

 

25 of The Very Best Things Money Can't Buy

(Shine.yahoo.com)

 

1. That look your dog gives you. You know those sad, loving eyes? Heart-melting, right?

 

2. Kindness. Random acts make the world go 'round. Offering your seat to someone, holding the door, smiling––these are the things that separate us from the animals. And perhaps best of all, it feels as good to give as it does to get.

 

3. A library card. Hardbacks break the bank, and you're always "accidentally" dropping $20 a month on iTunes. That's why I remind you, my friend, of the library. Check out every single volume in the Millennium Trilogy, borrow When Harry Met Sally for the fortieth time, and have access to all the Charles Mingus albums in the world, all for free.

 

4. Nature walks. Not only does research show that being outdoors lowers blood pressure and can zap your stress levels, but it just feels so dang good. The rhythms of the natural world are slower, and being around them taps us into the big picture of life.

5. Flirting. It doesn't matter if it's with your longtime sweetie pie, a new charmer in your life, or the bright-eyed barista at your local coffee shop, the rush we get from a bit of witty, smiley banter is unmatched.

 

6. Time. Forget your Roth IRA and your 401k. Time is the most valuable asset each of us has. How are you going to invest it?

 

7. Hot baths. Sometimes the only thing that can get you through the day is knowing that eventually, you'll be able to sink up to your neck in hot water and let your troubles just float away.

 

8. Naps. In a hammock or on top of clean sheets with the sun coming through the window just so. Heaven.

 

 

9. Silence and solitude. You can't turn off the world, but those gem-like moments when things get quiet, or you find yourself blissfully alone make the wait worth it.

 

10. Street musicians. One minute you're walking along, late for work and composing your grocery list in your head, the next you're listening to a great cover of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand."

 

11. Old friends. They knew you when you had that terrible haircut and wore the world's least flattering jeans. They take your phone calls at 2AM, give you those wipe-the-tears-away laughs, and keep all your secrets under lock and key.

 

12. New friends. They haven't heard that story about you and the ice skating fiasco too many times yet, and there's a buzz of excitement as you hang on each other's words and feel the spark of a fresh connection.

 

13. A good night's sleep. You might have to rearrange your schedule and let the dishes wait until tomorrow to make it happen, but you it's nothing that fishing in your wallet can make happen.

 

14. Knowing just who you are. Sure, you could buy hours of therapy to help you figure out who you are, what makes you tick, and how you can feel good about yourself. But all you really need is the will, a bit of reflective time, and maybe a pencil. That's all it takes to know just who you are and just what you want. Oh, and maybe numbers 11 and 20.

 

15. Spring. Every year we start doubting that it will ever finally happen, and every year those white blossoms take our breath away.

 

16. The things kids say. Like, randomly telling you you're so pretty, or asking that you name your next kid Frankenstein. It just never gets old.

 

 

17. Saying sorry and forgiving. Admitting we were wrong stings, but it also allows us let go of our guilt. And to forgive someone for their mistakes is to give yourself a break as much as it is a favor to your friend: you get to put down that very heavy load of resentment you've been hauling around.

 

18. Kissing and stuff. Enough said.

 

19. Confidence. It doesn't come from a new top or a pair of shoes you've been drooling over. But you already know that. It comes from right inside.

 

20. Family. Heaven knows they drive us nuts from time to time, but the sense of community that comes from being part of this unit is deep. We come from somewhere; these people love us, even when they hate us. In the timeless words of Caroline Manzo, "We are as thick as thieves."

 

21. Dance parties. It could be a party of one or a jammed, sweaty dance floor, but letting go of your inhibitions and dancing to Aretha like no one is watching is pretty much one of the best things ever.

 

22. Feeling understood. You know that scene in Avatar when the blue lady places her hand on the hero's chest and says, "I see you"? It's one of the most powerful feelings on earth.

 

23. Sunset, sunrise. Admission is free to the most amazing light show on earth.

 

24. Bedtime. Whether you're tucking a little person in and kissing them on the forehead, or slipping into your own bed after a too-long, too-hard day, these are the quietest, sweetest moments of the day, and they're absolutely priceless.

 

25. Knowing you've done your best. Life can be wicked hard. But the feeling of pride and self-satisfaction that comes from putting your best foot forward day after day feels about a four million times better than a massage.

 

*August 28th/10*

 

PUT A POSITIVE SPIN ON HIS ANNOYING TRAIT
No matter how in love you are and how crazy you are about someone, if you spend enough time with ANYONE -- they'll do something that annoys you.
The trick is to try and think differently about that annoying trait. Here are some examples -- from the book If Love Could Think: Using Your Mind To Guide Your Heart by Alon Gratch:
• His annoying trait: He dresses like a slob. He thinks getting fancy means taking off his baseball cap.
• The positive flip: He's down to earth and doesn't put on airs for people -- what you see is what you get.
• His annoying trait: He's shy. At a party, he's the guy nodding his head while everyone else is gabbing and socializing.
• The positive flip: He's a good listener. And he doesn't embarrass himself or you by putting his foot in his mouth.
• His annoying trait: He doesn't make a lot of money.
• The positive flip: He has other interests -- like hobbies -- that make him more interesting, from surfing to playing music.
• His annoying trait: He suffers from sports addiction. He's always glued to ESPN.
• The positive flip: He's competitive and has a great outlet for stress relief.
• His annoying trait: He's super mellow. On the weekends, he prefers to stay in and watch a DVD instead of going out.
• The positive flip: He is grounded, reliable, and loves being in a cozy twosome.
• His annoying trait: He's a workaholic. Leaving his job at 5 is a rare occasion.
The positive flip: He's a go-getter who follows through and constantly strives for financial stability.

 

 

*August 27th/10*

 

STUDY: WOMEN SECRETLY LOVE CHEESY PICK-UP LINES
Although many women claim to find them irritating, researchers have found almost two thirds actually like it when a guy uses a cheesy pick-up line on them.  Almost four-in-ten women have gone out with a man who approached them using a cheesy line, with one-in-ten even going on to have a long-term relationship with them.  The survey also revealed 59 percent of women think a man using a pick-up line shows he has a great sense of humor, with another 58 percent saying it shows he is confident.  Surprisingly one-in-twenty women think they would be more likely to go out with a guy if they came out with a pick-up line to impress them.  However, they did also say this likelihood would increase significantly if he also happened to be rich and good-looking.
 
Most commonly used pick-up lines (according to the survey)Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
 
Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?
 
Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?
 
Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
 
Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?
Do you believe in helping the homeless? If yes, take me home with you.
 
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
 
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
 
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
 
I seem to have lost my number, can I have yours instead?
 
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
 
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile.  So, would you smile for me?
 
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
 
Hi.  I suffer from amnesia.  Do I come here often?
 
Is your father a thief?  Because someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
 
I'm a frog but if you kiss me I'll turn into a prince
 
Is there a rainbow, because you're the treasure I've been searching for.
 
I hope you know CPR? Because you take my breath away

 

 

*August 26th/10*

 

(13) THINGS AN IDENTITY THIEF WON’T TELL YOU (READER’S DIGEST)

Here are the 13 things an identity thief won’t tell you, courtesy of Reader’s Digest.
 
1. Watch your back. In line at the grocery store, I’ll hold my phone like I’m looking at the screen and snap your card as you’re using it. Next thing you know, I’m ordering things online—on your dime.

2. That red flag tells the mail carrier—and me—that you have outgoing mail. And that can mean credit card numbers and checks I can reproduce.

3. Check your bank and credit card balances at least once a week. I can do a lot of damage in the 30 days between statements.

4. In Europe, credit cards have an embedded chip and require a PIN, which makes them a lot harder to hack. Here, I can duplicate the magnetic stripe technology with a $50 machine.

5. If a bill doesn’t show up when it’s supposed to, don’t breathe a sigh of relief. Start to wonder if your mail has been stolen.

6. That’s me driving through your neighborhood at 3 a.m. on trash day. I fill my trunk with bags of garbage from different houses, then sort later.

7. You throw away the darnedest things—preapproved credit card applications, old bills, expired credit cards, checking account deposit slips, and crumpled-up job or loan applications with all your personal information.

8. If you see something that looks like it doesn’t belong on the ATM or sticks out from the card slot, walk away. That’s the skimmer I attached to capture your card information and PIN.

9. Why don’t more of you call 888-5-OPTOUT to stop banks from sending you preapproved credit offers? You’re making it way too easy for me.

10. I use your credit cards all the time, and I never get asked for ID. A helpful hint: I’d never use a credit card with a picture on it.

11. I can call the electric company, pose as you, and say, “Hey, I thought I paid this bill. I can’t remember—did I use my Visa or MasterCard? Can you read me back that number?” I have to be in character, but it’s unbelievable what they’ll tell me.

12. Thanks for using your debit card instead of your credit card. Hackers are constantly breaking into retail databases, and debit cards give me direct access to your banking account. 

13. Love that new credit card that showed up in your mailbox. If I can’t talk someone at your bank into activating it (and I usually can), I write down the number and put it back. After you’ve activated the card, I start using it.

 

*August 24th/10*

 

BACK-TO-SCHOOL FENG SHUI TIPS

It's an age old problem with an ancient solution: how to get our kids to do better in school.  The answer is feng shui and it's as simple as moving your child's bed, removing negatives and adding positives.  Here are some quick tips to help make your child's room more positive for academic success.

 

Point Your Child's Bed In A Positive Sleeping Direction

We all have 4 positive and 4 negative sleeping directions based on our year of birth and gender.  The goal is to align the child's bed so that the top or crown of the head is pointed towards one of their positive compass directions.  Sleeping in the "wisdom" direction will help your child get better grades and improve their attitude about school.  The "marriage and family harmony" direction will help decrease fighting and arguing in the household and help your child sleep better.  Be sure to use a compass to determine actual compass directions in your home.

 

Get More "Dark" At Bedtime

Melatonin is a hormone your body produces that regulates sleep and mood.  Melatonin is produced at night in the dark.  Light makes your body think it’s daytime.  So don’t sleep with the lights on, or the TV or a night light.  Keep the bedroom dark for sleeping so your body can produce the natural melatonin you need for better sleep and mood.

 

Limit Your Child's Exposure to EMFs

EMFs (electromagnetic frequencies) are electric and magnetic fields that surround electric devices like computers, TVs and power strips.  Too much exposure to EMFs can give you “brain fog” and make it hard to concentrate on studies and tests.  EMFs also reduce melatonin levels.  You can reduce your exposure to EMFs by keeping your body at least one foot away from your computer tower, transformer plugs, and power strips. 

 

What Your Child Sees:

Kids need to know that they are loved, they are part of the family and the community, and they can achieve their goals.  Happy family photos remind kids they are part of a family that loves them.  Team or school pictures help create a sense of community.  And certificates, trophies and awards remind kids that they can accomplish what they set out to do.  All of these things are positive symbols to help give your child a psychological boost.

 

De-Clutter To Keep The Energy From Getting Stuck

A cluttered room is like a hairy swimmer.  Just like body hair creates resistance in the water for the swimmer, clutter creates resistance to the natural flow of energy in a room.  Stuck energy from too much clutter can make your child feel stuck, procrastinate or even get depressed. And they won't be able to focus on their studies in a lot of clutter.